New Years

I went to see a guy for new years. Rocky as our relationship was i decided to give him the benifit of the doubt. This is something you do when your a "nice person" Well thanks to this trip i doubt i am a nice person anymore. My heart goes out to ladies that have ever been struck before by a man who has no right to. My weekend ended short. As i walked through the darkness stumbling along with my luggage, sick to my stomach, praying id make it to the corner gas station with out being stabbed or raped, i thought to myself when was it the last time i did something that made me happy. I gathered my strength made it to the airport, and hopped on the next flight home. I have the strength in me to make my self happy, and i dont need anyone else in my life anymore. Im done with it. Over it im tired of people lying to me, hurting me, not understanding me. Im not normal, far from it. I walked away from someone really important to make others happy and for the first time last night i realized that maybe its too late for me to speak up now... maybe its to late to fix it, its too late... and its not fair to a beautiful flawless person like him to have someone so fucked in the head like me. I feel completely worthless. So thanks... signing off today, im back on a mental frenzy to loose more weight and accomplish my crazy goals.... no ones going to get in my way... fuck everyone who hurts people because they themselves are hurt... yes that mean fuck me too... i really hate myself